Now with director's commentary!
Bright and Late
Also known as "The DJ Girl Story". I was sitting on my couch with a laptop one night, half asleep, and I vaguely remember writing something that was something of a continuation of this. When I woke up, I found I'd written about half of a story about a DJ girl and her "friend", finished the rest, and posted it. People seem to gravitate towards it, for some reason, and it remains one of the most popular, if not one of the most pointless, stories I've written.Salvation
I had big plans for this one, and they still surface every now and then, but I can never get it to work quite the way I want to. A short story about an asskicking assassin who is more important than she realises. Of all the stuff I've done over the years, this is the one I actually had to do some research on -- the names are significant and took a lot of historical checking in order for them to work, looking at maps of Russia to make the geography make sense, and I had to call Hotel Monteleone to find out how many floors they had and what road they were located on. Petty details, some, but I wanted it to be done right.The Alexis Letters: first, second, third, fourth, and the prologue.
I'm not sure why these were so popular, but they were. Immediately after posting the first one of these, email and IMs began pouring in from people I'd never heard of, mostly female, demanding to know who Alexis was. I even had several people on one of the myriad "social networking" sites out there suddenly crawl out of shadows to ask if I was taken by this girl.Assassin Chick
Alexis is salve and salvation, virtue and vice. She is a reflection, a sounding board, a medium. She is indeed based off, or at least inspired by, a real woman, with aspects of others integrated into the mix, but Alexis herself is fictional. As with some of my other stories, her name's meaning holds significance.
At the time this one generated a lot of questions. I think people just liked the ending. Or were confused by it. There's a running theme in some of these, you may have noticed -- strong female characters, often asskickers of some sort, and plots that don't really go anywhere. At least I admit I'm a hack.The Threat of Coca Cola
The now-infamous mockery of one Kevin Mackle, a college student who tipped a nine-hundred-pound vending machine on himself and was killed. This one ended up on kuro5hin.org where it became a running joke for a while. It was not a very well-written essay, but the topic was sufficiently amusing that it attracted a lot of attention. Not long ago, I actually received an email from someone claiming to be Kevin's cousin, blasting me for being so callous and cruel. I replied with this.Your Site Sucks (also the followup)
Originally this was just Yet Another Rant, tossed out into the ether without much thought. I ended up receiving several hundred emails about this, mostly from teenage girls who were either filled with righteous indignation and outrage, or swooning at my feet. Dozens of them were too retarded to click on the right icon, and ended up emailing Bryan instead, who was ready to kill me if he got one more email explaining how stupid / awesome I was ("Why are all these camwhores visiting mirrorshades, kitten? What the hell are you doing over there?!"). It was subsequently linked to some stupid teenage forum, which I stopped by to see what all the ruckus was, and found nine pages of people bickering back and forth about whether or not I was right, wrong, stupid, smart, sexy, a jerk, and high-school-level analyses of other crap I'd written up to that point. Cue more emails, IMs, and I'm pretty sure at least several of them prank-called my house. To this day I still get the occasional email about it. You'll notice that most of the sites linked in this diatribe no longer exist, which says a lot about people's reasons for bothering to make them in the first place -- as in, they didn't have a reason at all.A Guide To Being Punk
Ironically, this one got me accused of being uptight and conservative. Guess my detractors didn't do much fact-checking before popping off, nor did they attend the part in English class that covered "satire". The ones who complained were mostly the ones this was aimed at (hint: it wasn't people who are actually part of the punk subculture), who utterly missed the point. That might make me a poor writer, but this is a rare case in which I'll blame the audience. I knew I was addressing morons when I did it.President Bush vs A Plank of Wood
Required for the usual "compare-and-contrast" essay of any English 1101 class, this was written mostly to annoy my professor, who didn't like my original topic; I forget what it was. I handed this in to great disapproval, and it was later picked up and published in a textbook called The Polishing Cloth, a second-rate tome which collects student essays as an example of how to write properly. I attended a little ceremony for this, mostly to see what it was about, and as they called up the various authors and spoke the title of their work, there was polite applause. Until they announced mine, and the title, which was greeted with thunderous laughter. After, I was asked to sign a bunch of those books by other students and even parents. That sort of made up for the B- I got on the paper itself. After posting it to mirrorshades, it caught the attention of some loons on a political website which no longer exists, the visitors of which decided I was either the most brilliant or the most inane person they'd ever come across, and felt the need to email and IM me incessently about it.This is Calcutta
The title is a reference to Rent. Again, this was mostly intended to be another one of my myriad rants, to be relegated to obscurity as soon as it scrolled off the front page (which, with my update frequency, could take months!), but not long after posting it, the emails began to pour in. And links. And livejournal posts. And people bitching or cheering. But I stand by what I said: Conservatism is dying and in a generation or so, will be radically different from anything today's muck-a-mucks on AM talk radio or the attack dogs at Fox like to whinge about.Unresolved Controversial Issue
This inane essay was written for yet another assignment, the standard-issue "persuasive essay" that is required in virtually every basic English course and yet, despite having presumably passed it, most people still cannot construct a persuasive paragraph, nevermind an entire essay. Being in a snarky mood, and rather tired of having to write variations of this essay year after year, I decided I'd write the absolute most generic essay I could possibly come up with, and this was the result. It's become a template for several people, as I understand.A Votive, A Vow
This one was special to someone far more special.