For some reason, my mother forwarded me an email -- one of those politically-charged, patriotic, drum-beating, flag-waving emails we've all seen ten thousand times before about how great America is and how loathesome our enemies are. This one was a "history quiz", designed to demonstrate that all terrorist activities in recent history (the past fifty years or so) have been perpetrated by Muslim males, aged 17 to 41. The email then concluded that racial profiling is a good thing, given this information.

Naturally, no mention was made of all the terrorist activities that have been committed by non-Muslims, or even Americans. I can't be the only one who remembers the names Tim McVeigh or the Unabomber.

At any rate, I hit "reply all" and dashed off my own version of the history quiz:

That's pretty interesting. It would seem racial profiling is definitely in order. To further the point, I have devised a quiz of my own. Break out your number two pencils and clear your desks, boys and girls! The questions get more interesting as the quiz nears the end.

Keep your eyes on your own paper!

1. In 1953, this entity overthrew the elected Prime Minister Mossedeq of Iran, and installed the Shah as dictator.
a. Starfleet Command
b. Tibetian monks
c. The United States of America

2. In 1954, this nation was responsible for the overthrow of democratically elected President Arbenz of Guatemala, resulting in the deaths of two hundred thousand civilians.
a. Luxembourg
b. Vatican
c. The United States of America

3. In 1963, which of these entites backed the assassination of South Vietnamese president Diem?
a. Captain Kirk
b. Microsoft
c. The United States of America

4. This nation killed four million people in Southeast Asia in order to annoy the Russians.
a. Canada
b. Swaziland
c. The United States of America

5. In September of 1973, which of the following staged a coup in Chile, and backed the assassination of democratically-elected president Allendo, and then installed dictator Augusto Pinochet, resulting in the deaths of five thousand Chilean civilians?
a. The Union of Circus Clowns
b. The Dukes of Hazzard
c. The United States of America

6. Which of these entites backed the military rulers of El Savador in 1977,
during which some seventy thousand Salvadorans and four American nuns were
killed?
a. Dell Computers
b. The geeks over at Slashdot
c. The United States of America

7. In the 1980s, this organization hired and trained Osama bin Laden and his "crew" to kill Soviets.
a. The Justice League of Superheroes
b. A ragtag group of Elvis impersonators
c. The United States of America

8. The intelligence agency of the following entity then gave bin Laden's team three billion dollars in funding.
a. Coca Cola
b. Mothers Against Drunk Driving
c. The United States of America

9. Which of the following trained and funded "contras" resulting in the deaths of thirty thousand Nicaraguans?
a. Jean-Luc Picard
b. Ernest Hemmingway
c. The United States of America

10. In 1982, the following entity provides billions in funding and weaponry to Saddam Hussein to kill Iranians.
a. Maxwell House
b. Luke Skywalker
c. The United States of America

11. In reference to the question above, the following nation, in 1983, then secretly gave weapons to Iran in order to kill Iraqis.
a. The Roman Empire
b. Mesopetamia
c. The United States of America

12. In 1989, an agent from this organization was serving as president of
Panama. The organization invaded Panama and removed him, killing 3,000
Panamanian civilians in the process.
a. Phillip-Morris tobacco company
b. Bruce Springsteen and the E. Street Band
c. The United States of America

13. In 1990, Iraq invaded Kuwait. Saddam Hussein sought permission from the following entity beforehand, and the entity responded that it did not care, and in fact provided weapons to Saddam and Iraqi forces. The entity in question then invaded Iraq and re-installed the dictator of Kuwait.
a. Yoda
b. "Weird Al" Yankovic
c. The United States of America

14. In 1998, this nation destroyed an aspirin factory in Sudan, claiming it was a weapons development lab.
a. The Ottoman Empire
b. Sealand
c. The United States of America

15. This organization has been bombing the crap out of Iraq on an almost-weekly basis since 1991 and into the present. The UN estimates some five hundred thousand children die during this time from the bombs and the sanctions that the following imposed:
a. The Trenchcoat Mafia
b. Studio 54
c. The United States of America

16. April 2001, this entity provides the Taliban with over 245 million dollars in funding.
a. Jerry Seinfeld
b. Jerry Lewis
c. The United States of America