I am, quite frankly, in a horrible fucking mood. I was snippy at someone who didn't really deserve it (Sorry, Laura.. I'll call you tomorrow and whine at you like I should have done in the first place), and I'd just prefer to sleep for the next few months than deal with any of this shit coming down the line.

So I'm moving back to Philadelphia.

Yeah.

Not, as I'm sure a bunch of people are going "ha!" and pointing fingers and thinking, because kitten and I don't get along. I think we get along well, and I do like living here quite a lot. But there's this issue of money. Y'know. That thing that makes sure the people with the bats don't come round looking for a few quiet words. That thing I haven't got any of, nor can find any means of getting.

I don't want to get out of the industry, even for a few months. I can't afford to, quite frankly.

(What's really fun is how a position with Cisco, my old Phoenix crew, is opening up in a few months, so I had to decide.. take the sure thing? Try to wait and see what happens? Maybe find a job before the Cisco thing opens up? My last two major decisions have been things I wanted to do, and I have sort of gotten screwed -- financially -- both times.. So this is something I guess I should do.)

The market here is shite and my old position is again open (heh.) and I was asked if I wanted it back. As it's a Sure Thing, I don't really know how I can, in good conscious, say no. It's not that I don't like Philadephia (I love it) or that I dislike my co-werkers (they're all super-cool people), or any of that.. it's just. Damnit. I bought a bed.

Some people buy furniture as a way of saying "So I'm going to be here for a while. I'm going to nest." That was my thing. I bought a big bed, with zero intention of moving it.

And now I am.

sighs

I'm tired of talking about this. And I'm tired of feeling like shit for failing, yet again. So I'm just going to go back to Philly, get a one room or a studio or something in Center City, and work off my debt.

It's been a really shitty few weeks, through no one's fault but my own. So if I've been a dick and you haven't deserved it, come kick my head in or something.

Although I may very well thank you for it. :-)