editor's note: This was written several years ago in order to mock Bryan, which should be a national pasttime. Share and enjoy.
Hi, my name is
My name is
My name is
My name is
(tikka tikka) Thin Brainy.
Excuse me, could I have the attention of the geeks for one second?
Hi kids, do you like Linux? "Yeah yeah yeah!"
Wanna see me stare at my screen till I can't blink my eyelids?
Wanna burn CDs and do exactly what I did?
Try Litestep and get fucked up worse than my life is?
Windows is dead weight, I'm trying to get my hard drive straight
But I can't figure out which distro I want to operate
kitten said, "Bryan, you're a spacehead."
Uh-uhh! "Then why you got Spears mp3s? Your drive space is wasted."
Well, ever since I got Debian, I stopped using DOSshell
And I put a heatsink in my box so my chip won't melt
Got pissed off and ripped Bill Gates off
And hacked him so hard I knocked his OS backwards like old-school DOS.
I run lots of killer apps while I sit on my ass
When my truck actually runs, it don't go too fast.
Get off me! "Bryan, wait a minute, that's just Scott!"
I don't give a fuck, he's drunk and pissing me off.
I went to ITT after graduating Cibola high.
Dropped out and now I'm working the 9 to 5.
I blast my foes in StarCraft with a laser
Chase them with a phaser
And blast their nuts cause they're a bunch of lamers
Walked into Best Buy with my best friend Ryry
Flashed the salesperson and ran out with a Palm 5.
Extracurriculars, never do those again
I drink Citrus Drop and girls tell me they just wanna be friends.
99% of my hard drive is gay porn.
I just found out my mom is a big fan of Korn.
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous hacker
Make a Linux distro and name it after her. "What, BitchX?"
You know you're a dork when you try to scan your hands
And cool your room off with ten CPU fans.
This guy in Pizza hut took my order and he had to laugh
I said to him, "Hey, Dave... gimme extra cheese, ASSHOLE!"
Stop the tape! This kid needs to get some play!
Don't just stand there.. someone get him a date!
I'm not ready to leave, Yuma's hot and I'll fry
I have to install RedHat 6 and mount this drive.
Mandrake or Slackware? I can barely decide.
I just drank a fifth of Citrus Drop.. should I defrag my drive?
All my life I was very deprived.
I ain't had a woman in years, my porn is too scary to hide.
I buy black T-shirts and blue jeans in bulk
I slouch when I walk, I'd rather type than even talk. "LOL!"
Without my extra cheese I whine and throw fits
I hang out on slashdot and submit stuff like this.
I lay awake cause Sarah strapped me into bed
With black lingere she spanks me till I'm red.
My box is rad -- and by the way, when you see my dad?
Tell him I haven't eaten since the last pizza I had.