Once again, syndacated columnist Ann Coulter has made a complete and utter ass of herself, and once again, I am here to mock her relentlessly. It still amazes me - and disgusts me - that someone with her caliber of undistilled ignorance can be published, and is actually respected by some.
In this article we find Miss Coulter (she's still "Miss", but not by choice - she has made repeated complaints that no men seem to find her attractive. I wonder why?) lamblasting America's policy on immigrants in light of the recent attacks.
Congress has authority to pass a law tomorrow requiring aliens from suspect countries to leave. As far as the Constitution is concerned, aliens, which is to say non-citizens, are here at this country's pleasure. They have no constitutional right to be here.
Apparently, Ann Coulter thinks the Statue Of Liberty is just some sort of hyperbole. I seem to remember it saying something about "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.."
And just how will you determine who is from a "suspect country"? For anything Ann knows to the contrary, Canada is harboring terrorists.In fact, they are. So is America. Terrorist cells are in just about every county on the planet.
Pious invocations of the Japanese internment are absurd. For one thing, those were U.S. citizens. Citizens can't be deported. So far -- thank God -- almost all the mass murderers of Americans have been aliens.
Wait, what was that guy's name? Oh, right - Tim McVeigh. I seem to remember him not only being an American, but a decorated Marine.
Rather, Congress is busily contemplating a series of "anti-terrorism" measures most notable for their utter irrelevance to the threat. What precisely would a national ID card accomplish? The hijackers were in this country legally!
Ann, you bloody misguided, pathetic, know-nothing ignoramus. Congress's proposal for national ID cards would apply only to citizens, not immigrants. Go back, read, insert another quarter, and try again.Now, one of my personal favorite gems:
As the entire country has been repeatedly lectured, most Muslims are amazingly peaceful, deeply religious, wouldn't hurt a fly.
Is this the same Ann Coulter who stated - without humor - that the only reason someone would commit an atrocity like the WTC attacks is because they weren't Christian? Is the the same Ann Coulter who believes we should swoop down from On High into any country we don't like, assassinate all the leaders, and convert everyone to Christianity?
Indeed, endless invocations of the pacific nature of most Muslims is the only free speech it is safe to engage in these days.This is a preposterous irrelevancy. Fine, we get it. The New York Times can rest assured that every last American has now heard the news that not all Muslims are terrorists. That's not the point.
Actually, that is the point, Ann.. especially given the fact that backwater, racist, insensitive pinheads like yourself are screaming like banshees for the blood of anyone who happens to be of Middle Eastern descent.
Not all Muslims may be terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims
I don't think the audience needs my commentary on this. I would cry no tears if Ann Coulter were dragged off into the depths of Hell. In fact, I'd give her a good shove on the way.
How are we to distinguish the peaceful Muslims from the fanatical, homicidal Muslims about to murder thousands of our fellow citizens?
I don't know, Ann. How are we to distinguish the Good White American Christian who is going about his business from the guy in the cubicle next to his, also a Good White American Christian, who is about to lock and load his MAC-10 and wipe out most of his office?
The only thing we know about them -- other than that they live among us -- is that they are foreign-born and they are Muslims. The government has been remarkably tight-lipped about precisely how many Muslim visitors we are currently accommodating, but from unofficial estimates, there appear to be more than a million.
Ann Coulter reminds me of Ptolmey, sitting at the center of creation while everything revolves around her and America. From her point of view, America is the Be-All and End-All, the final pinnacle of political evolution, the only thing that matters to anybody. All other countries are simply by-products of some sort.. peculiar irregularities that will have to be disposed of. Resistance is futile.Let us not forget how many millions of Americans are currently living in other countries, Ann. There's several million in Europe alone. Oh, but they deserve to be there, isn't that right? In fact, not only do they deserve to be there, but other countries should be dancing with ecstacy that Americans have deigned to grace them with their presence.. because Everyone Loves America, and Americans are so well-behaved and understanding of other cultures.
Are the good Muslims the ones who live quiet lives, pray a lot and obey the law? So did the architects of Bloody Tuesday's mass murder.
And most crimes in America - especially high-profile mass killing sprees - are commited by Americans whose neighbors say "He seemed like such a quiet sort, I never thought he'd do something like that." What's your fucking point, Ann?
It is impossible to stop Islamic fundamentalists who believe that slaughtering thousands of innocent Americans will send them straight to Allah. All we can do is politely ask aliens from suspect nations to leave -- with the full expectation of readmittance -- while we sort the peace-loving immigrants from the murderous fanatics.
And how do you propose to "sort" them, Ann? You just informed us that the terrorists were "quiet, deeply religious, and law-abiding". While we're at it, since most murders and violent crimes in the US are commited by Americans, why don't we deport everyone, and "sort" them too.
More benefits of the plan next week, but the beauty part of the Terrorist Deportation Plan can't wait. There will be two fail-safes: (1) Muslim immigrants who agree to spy on the millions of Muslim citizens unaffected by the deportation order can stay; (my emphasis)
Just a damn minute.. for 85% of this article, your entire argument has hinged on Citizens vs Immigrants. And now the truth comes out.. you don't care that they're citizens, like you've been saying.. what you really care about is that they're Muslims. So I guess all those "pious invocations" of Japanese internment camps weren't "absurd" after all, you Whore Of Babylon.
This is brutally unfair to the Muslim immigrants who do not want to kill us. But it's not our fault. It is the fault of the terrorists who are using their fellow Muslims as human shields.
No terrorist ever had the idea of using "fellow Muslims" that way. It is people like you, Ann, who are shoving all Muslims in the crossfire and then bitching that they're in the way.
So far, America's response to a calculating cold-blooded enemy has been to say, "Excuse me, you seem to have dropped your box-cutter."
Har har, that was so fucking funny, Ann, why are you here writing shitty two-bit columns full of hatred, bigotry, racism, and twisted nonlogic, when you could be making a fortune as a stand-up comedian?
By the way, if anybody wishes to get in contact with Ann Coulter herself, you can do so here. I know I've got a few words for her.
Thanks to Ryan for bringing this article to my attention. From Atlanta, good morning.