The Four Truisms of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
kitten   October 6, 2000

Perhaps it's that we're too intelligent for our own good, but the fact
remains:



We have discovered four absolute truths that modern life in our medium
culture abides by unswervingly. Careful consideration, research,
experimentation, and deliberation have been put into the assembly of
these sage maxims, and we sincerely hope that humanity can learn and benefit
from them:


  • First, you must fill your head with wisdom. Then you can break
    blocks of ice with it.

  • Women - can't live with 'em. Pass the vodka.

  • If you only get out of life what you put in, why not keep it and save
    yourself the trouble?

  • Never let your mother brush your hair when she is angry at your father.

  • While these may seem apocryphal at first, consider the virtually infinite
    permutations by which they can be rearranged to form an even greater number
    of progressive, forward-thinking, visionary ideals to guide life by:

  • Women - can't fill their heads with wisdom, can't break blocks of ice
    with them.

  • If you only drink vodka when you are angry at your women, why not save
    yourself the trouble?

  • Never fill your head with women when you are angry at your vodka.

  • First you must fill your head with vodka. Then you can break blocks of
    women with it.

  • Never let your women fill your head with vodka when they are angry at your
    wisdom.

  • Women - can't fill their heads with vodka, can't save yourself the trouble.

  • If you only get out of life what you put in, pass the women.

  • First you must fill your head with wisdom. Then you can save yourself the
    trouble.

  • Women - can't break blocks of vodka with 'em, can't let them brush your hair.

  • If you only get out of women what you put in, why not drink vodka and save
    yourself the trouble?

  • Never let your women brush your hair when they have filled their heads with vodka.

  • How true.. How true indeed.

    AZ 10.6.00