"That which is overdesigned, too highly specific, anticipates outcome; the anticipation of outcome guarantees, if not failure, the absence of grace."
-- William Gibson, All Tomorrow's Parties
"Oh my stars and garters."

X-Men 3 was poop. I'm not saying that because they broke "canon", because the first two movies didn't really follow existing conventions entirely either -- and I thought they were both good movies. This just wasn't a good movie. The dialogue was crap, the characters did a lot of really out-of-character things, and everytime the film tried to make you feel something (mostly by killing off a character), it was heavy-handed and failed completely.

(Actually, I do have a "breaks canon" complaint: I don't remember the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants being crewed by hookers.)

The two biggest examples of broken characterization are Magneto abandoning Mystique (also poorly implemented), and Storm writing Jean off without a second thought. Yeah. No.

Juggernaut actually yells "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" Evan, Maggie and I laughed uproariously at this for a couple minutes, while everyone else in the theater just stared. Yeah. You can tell who the Internet users are...

Also, Ben Foster, the guy who plays Angel, looked so much like a really buff, but just as gay, version of Andrew from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I was distracted everytime he was on screen. In a "ew!" kind of way, while wondering why they weren't giving him any good lines, because Tom Lenk knows how to deliver the funny. But Tom Len != Ben Foster, so. Oh well.

The coolest thing about the movie was R. Lee Ermey doing a voice-over while the National Guard/Army/Generic Soldier Guys were getting their plastic cure weapons. I mean. Fuckin' R. Lee Ermey, yeah!

Oh. And Shadowcat is played by Ellen Page, who did as awesome job as Lilith Sandstrom in the first season of ReGenesis (Canadian sci-drama, really good; the second season just ended with a cliff-hanger -- fuckers!) and is starring in some ultra-creepy-looking movie called Hard Candy.

Evan insists the movie looked pretty, like when Jean is going all Akira, and random things around her start floating or destroying themselves. Maybe more Tetsuo than Akira, hey? The last bit on Alcatraz, where she starts dusting everyone and building some sort of ghetto throne while creating a wall of water around the island... yeah. That was pretty pretty. But it doesn't make up for a movie that went out of its way to be really mediocre in both characterization and plot.

Oh well; it got me out of the office for a couple hours.

June 15, 2006 8:08 AM