"That which is overdesigned, too highly specific, anticipates outcome; the anticipation of outcome guarantees, if not failure, the absence of grace."
-- William Gibson, All Tomorrow's Parties
Bird and bear and hare and fish.

You aren't around to talk to anymore, though even when you are, I don't know how. I never thought that would happen; that I'd forget how to talk to you.

Of all the myriad ways in which you gained my trust, when it was over, I couldn't trust you to be around. And over all these days, these years, while I held myself open for new wounds to be made, I was always holding back, always secretly wishing and hoping for some perfect thing to emerge and scoop me up, to be wrapped up in covers and someone else's love.

For the idea of you to become reality. And, now...

You're dangerous 'cause you're honest
You're dangerous, you don't know what you want
Well you left my heart empty as a vacant lot
For any spirit to haunt
Hey hey sha la la
Hey hey

You're an accident waiting to happen
You're a piece of glass left in a beach
Well you tell me things I know you're not supposed to
Then you leave me just out of reach
Hey hey sha la la
Hey hey sha la la
Who's gonna ride your wild horses
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea
Who's gonna ride your wild horses
Who's gonna fall at the foot of thee
Well you stole it 'cause I needed the cash
And you killed it 'cause I wanted revenge
Well you lied to me 'cause I asked you to
Baby, can we still be friends

Hey hey sha la la
Hey hey sha la la
Who's gonna ride your wild horses
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea
Who's gonna ride your wild horses
Who's gonna fall at the foot of thee
Oh, the deeper I spin
Oh, the hunter will sin for your ivory skin
Took a drive in the dirty rain
To a place where the wind calls your name
Under the trees the river laughing at you and me
Hallelujah, heavens white rose
The doors you open
I just can't close
Don't turn around, don't turn around again
Don't turn around, your gypsy heart
Don't turn around, don't turn around again
Don't turn around, and don't look back
Come on now love, don't you look back
Who's gonna ride your wild horses
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea
Who's gonna taste your salt water kisses
Who's gonna take the place of me

Who's gonna ride your wild horses
Who's gonna tame the heart of thee


U2

Because, eventually, even in the most barricaded and entrenched portions of your inner, hidden, heart, you have to close your eyes and let it go. Let go and accept something new as fully and with as open a mind as possible.

In the back of my mind, behind a bolted door marked "minx", I knew that someday I would have to wake up. Eventually, I would become so tired of being miserable and alone, if only in my own head, that I would have to stop being asleep. But I knew that to do that, I would have to give you up; almost five years now, I've been too afraid to do that.

I always knew that eventually I would have to give up the idea of you. I would eventually have to give up the safety of your sunrises.

And, dear, everything's eventual.

Thank you.

October 24, 2004 3:05 AM