"That which is overdesigned, too highly specific, anticipates outcome; the anticipation of outcome guarantees, if not failure, the absence of grace."
-- William Gibson, All Tomorrow's Parties
On weddings and other things.

I am very tired.

Today was Day One (for humans who aren't Sophy and Adam) of the much-feared Mass Wedding Event. A traditional (or near enough) Cambodian wedding which is taking place a week after their civil ceremony. So they've technically been married for a week now, but until this whole thing is over, they aren't effectively married.

I'm not really sure I'm conscious enough now, or ever will be again, to describe today in any detail, so I will just ramble. I am sure you are very surprised by this sudden change in my story-telling.

Yesterday I was supposed to be off from work. But ha ha, the CTO had other plans and came and picked me up. I spent the day accomplishing nothing, certainly not what he wanted me to fix. I get home, try to convince Pete to come with me to Men's Wearhouse, fail, and go by myself. Run into merz at Wawa, then everyone else on the corner. Adam reminds me that Liz's show is that (Friday) night. I say I'll be there as soon as possible (though this is in Bryan-time, which everyone knows is massively unreliable), and go to the suit store. I procure a suit with very little effort. I go home. Pete and I go to Liz's show at Nexus, which is awesome and had what appeared to me to be an Extreme Turnout.

Andrew asks me how work is going, and something snaps, and I start yelling "Fuck you! Fuck you!" while pointing and waving at nothing in particular. Andrew is extremely amused by this, the breaker pops, and I quickly calm back down.

Then dinner at Aoi, which had some pretty awesome beef teriyaki. I will have to take Ricardo and Gloria the next time they come down.

Everyone else went to Mom's but I bitched out, as usual, and came home to sleep, as I suspected the ceremony would be not incredibly comfortable.

Got up early, went and got a haircut. The woman told me I looked like Doogie Howser, which is something I haven't heard in a few years but is apparently still true. Picked up a couple roses for Michelle, as in some technical world we were supposed to be going to the wedding as a date($rand). Got home, took a shower, and then sat around. Mm. Sitting. After the rest of the day, I would look back on that sitting with much fondness.

Michelle showed up at Pete and my place a little over an hour before we needed to be at Sophy's (at 1400), with Mihai in tow as he was kind enough to offer us a ride to South South Philly. We took time getting dressed, sat around watching the first twenty minutes of Akira, and there was some point-taking with regards to our DVD collections.

Get to Sophy's. Stand around for two hours waiting for the band to show up.

Band shows up at 1600. A bunch of stuff happens and obviously none of the white people have a fucking clue what is going on. There is paper which describe the proceedings, and we read it, but it continues to avoid making sense. I suspect the paper was laced with a narcotic of some sort. There is someone from Sophy's work who looks like a young, very tall, Mathew Broderick, but apparently he is not a genetically altered clone, but a guy named Br[i,y]an. I mention it because I think he felt left out of us standing around talking to each other, which is never a fun person to be.

Time passes. It is hot, uncomfortable, loud, no idea what anyone is saying, but it remains somehow mesmerizing. I think the amount of pain and discomfort Sophy and Adam are in is somewhat akin to watching an autopsy, only much less pretty. There is an enormous amount of food sitting in the living room (the dowry; the Groom's, I believe) and Pete is staring at is as he has not eaten. Pete when he doesn't eat is sort of scary.

Eventually we all go outside and they hand the dishes (there are two of everything) to people. Michelle and I were handed chickens. Or duck. Or some fucking thing. Later, Liz told me they still had their heads on but I somehow failed to notice this fact and was suitably freaked out by it. Evan and Andrew get plates with bottles of Pepsi lashed to them, which we decide is meant to signify sugar. We all get lined up, in pairs, and walked back into the house with the food. Traditionally, the groom's family would have brought all this food and we wouldn't have been already in the house to start with. However, Adam's family being Italian, we all agreed that it was unlikely pasta was what Sophy's family was going for.

There was some music, some talking. There was much reverb. The band managed to fix the reverb for the talking, but the talking guy demanded the reverb be brought back, and thus it was.

I don't remember a whole lot. We all kept each other amused by making faces at Adam, Sophy and Eric (who was the Groom's Dude, I have no clue what the terminology would be, but he had to dress up like Aladdin, too, so).

Then there was The Pretend Hair Cutting, Signifying Some Stuff. I tried to get Michelle to go up with me to Pretend Cut Adam and Sophy's Hair, but she was having none of it, so Liz and I did it instead. As did many other people. Sophy's mother was apparently afraid Pete was going to actually cut Adam's hair and almost took the scissors away from him. There was also a little bottle of perfume that you weren't actually supposed to spray, just act like it, but everyone was spraying it. The smell apparently made Eric incredibly nauseous as he looked like he was going to vomit for a while.

There was also a little mirror so you could show the bride and groom how well you pretend cutted their hair. When Adam's father showed him the mirror, all the non-Cambodian people laughed, thinking it was just Adam's dad being funny, as apparently he has an awesome sense of humor, but no, it was actually part of the ceremony. I didn't feel like an ass laughing, though. Humor was needed.

I told Adam and Sophy they looked fabulous and absolutely gorgeous while wiggling the mirror around to make it impossible to see the hair Liz hadn't cut off them. They looked like they needed a fucking laugh is what, but more like they needed to get out of there.

Eventually more stuff happened, but I don't remember much of it. We went to Sonoco for stuff and there was food brought out at some point. I didn't eat any of it, figuring it would probably be an ungood idea. Undoubtably I was correct, thought it certainly smelled good.

Then there were pictures, which was entertaining. We finally got out a little after 1830, I think. Not sure on the time. Adam and Sophy didn't actually get done until 2130 and 220 respectively.

Everyone else (Boston Nick, NYC Jason, Irene, Liz, Andrew, Evan, Pete and myself; Maggie, Matt and Kyle also came out) went to the Diner for dinner. I destroyed a salad, cheesesteak, and a just about all of a piece of cake. Fucking starved.

Except for all the uncomfortableness and how obviously unhappy Adam and Sophy were (her family is insisting on all of this), it was an interesting day. I like having any excuse to see people I never, or rarely, get to see (Nick, Jason; Michelle, which is kind of sad), but it would be awesome if we didn't have to sit around for six hours to do it.

And tomorrow is another five hours, then the reception tomorrow night.

There's other stuff I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention. A lot of amusing comments, which is why I enjoy hanging out with these meatbags, and some other stuff I will be beaten for repeating.

Mm. Beaten.

I require the sleep now. Must be out of here early to get to Ceremony of Doom Part II by 0900.

Thank god Monday is a fucking holiday, or there would be extreme amounts of unhappiness spilling out of my skull and burning holes in things.

September 4, 2004 11:43 PM