"That which is overdesigned, too highly specific, anticipates outcome; the anticipation of outcome guarantees, if not failure, the absence of grace."
-- William Gibson, All Tomorrow's Parties

I considered doing a real review, but hell, it's 0530 on a Sunday morning, I've been mostly asleep for the past two days (flu++), and I guess I just can't be fucked to care enough. Also, it's like super trendy or something.

However, a few things come to mind: Billy Corgan is the devil. The Devil has Mimi-Me-esque demons. Demonic midgets are pretty scary. I expect that demonic midgets would keep the God-fearing masses in line better than lakes of fire and whatnot.

Jesus's internals were apparently under much higher pressure than normal ape-descended hunams. The bit where the Roman soldier stabs his side with a spear to confirm the dude is off with the floaty bunnies unleashes what can only be described as a torrent of blood. It's like someone hooked a hose to Jesus's ass, then shoved the other end to some sort of elephant-ass-compressor device.

I find it hard to believe that anyone could take this movie seriously, but then... lots of people take the Bible itself seriously. So.

After the movie, Rik, Gloria and I went to dinner, where I overheard some woman talking about the movie.

During the evil shit that's happening to Jesus, he flashes back to when things sucked less. There's a bit where we flash back to where he trips on some stairs and falls, skinning his knee. Guy doesn't start crying or anything, just gets up. Mary, however, runs over to him "like he was on fire", bundles him up, conforts him, etc. This flashback happens during one of the many times Jesus trips and falls while carrying the cross through Judea.

(Dude fell like 30 times, each time the cross would shove his crown o' thorns deeper into his skull. I figure by the fourth time, the damn things are halfway to his mid-brain, which I suppose might explain why he kept falling down.)

Anyway, so this woman, her voice is all watery, and she's explaining this to some guy, and no doubt she grew up believing every word the Bible has to say, only she never bothered reading it or thinking about it, and she says, "It was so heart-breaking."

Mind-boggling, more like.

Bloody fucking stupid people.

Also, there's a bit near the beginning where it's revealed that Jesus invented normal-sized tables.

No lie.

March 7, 2004 5:41 AM